Excrutiating pain, spreading.

Tomorrow is July 7th.
Tomorrow is the 5 year anniversary of the london bombings.
Tomorrow is the 5 year anniversary of the day i lost phil, my big brother.
I've been dreading this day for weeks.
While still feeling this excrutiating pain,
on the news there's an investigation looking for a murderer.
And a terrorist investigation.

I wonder why I never want to watch the news.
Because I can't even manage my own families pain or my own.
It maybe selfish but I don't want to feel worse about things i can not do anything about.
I know it's going on but I don't want it brought to my attention even more.

These years are going by but all i feel is the pain spreading from my heart.
Time is no healer.
Talking isn't going to help.
NOTHING will change what has happened.
Which unfortunately means it's not going to get better.